Thriving Through the Thirties

In honor of Mother’s Day, I believe it’s time we have a conversation about kids and motherhood. How can a thirty-something woman not keep this at the back of her mind?

This question has been at the forefront of many of my conversations with men lately. “Do you want kids?” “What are your thoughts on having kids?” “Do you see yourself having kids in the near future?” No matter how it’s phrased, this topic startles me, forcing me to address one of the questions I’m least comfortable with. How do I say it? I can totally see myself with kids, but I’ve never pictured myself pregnant or caring for a small infant. Does that make sense?

Having a kid is a lot of work and responsibility, and I’m happy to see many women taking the time to consider it and weighing the decision carefully, instead of approaching it as an irrevocable duty.

First, I must admit, this topic brings out a lot—like a whole lot—of fear. I was raised by a village of strong women, starting with my grandmother, who took me home and cared for me during the first few weeks until my mom got back, then my godmother (who is also my aunt), and three other aunts. I’ve seen these women sacrifice so much to get me to where I am today, and I hope they’re somehow proud of the end result.

Mind you, I was the sweetest kid. Sure, I had a strong character, but I was mostly well-behaved, interested in books, studious, and the kind of amazing kid who never lost or misplaced her stuff. I even got my mom to admit it recently. Nevertheless, it doesn’t make it any less work. And it does take a village to raise a kid.

I also believe I have the right to voice my biggest fear of all: the fear of having to do it alone – The worst kind of alone is being surrounded by plenty of people. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen a lot of amazing fathers in my generation, but I’ve also seen women raising their kids alone while in a relationship. And it terrifies me.

I want my kids to have all the things I dreamed about when I was a kid myself: a loving family, at least one sibling they could share life with, and the financial comfort that I doubt I can provide on my own for now. I know it takes two to make a child the natural way, but financially, I want to know for sure that I can take care of my child alone if need be, even though I clearly don’t wish to ever do it alone. That’s the independent woman in me, I guess.

On the other hand, there’s also a part of me that wonders if maybe, all this time I’ve feared getting pregnant, I was never physically able to carry children to begin with.

And let’s not forget the sacrifices women often have to make career-wise in order to be a good mother, the changes motherhood brings to our bodies, the emotional toll the whole experience takes on us. I could go on, but I’ll stop here and leave the door open to another chance to share more on this topic in a future post.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you, dearest readers. Those of you who are mothers, what challenges have you had to overcome? Those who are hesitant, what are your reasons? And those of you who have decided to remain forever aunties, what influenced your decision?

Before I go, I’d like to salute the amazing mothers in my circle. I see you, and I believe you are all super “sheroes” in your own right!